dealing with loss

Dealing With Death

2 Comments / Blog, Home Bulletin, My Blog / Christopher Peppler

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One of the many effects that COVID-19 has had on us is that it has brought death constantly before us. Hardly a day goes by without the announcement on TV or the internet of just how many people have died so far from the sickness.

Especially in light of this, I am constantly surprised at how careless many Christians are in dealing with death. Over decades of pastoral ministry, I have encountered many spouses whose life partners have died without making responsible provisions for them. Some are left financially at risk, but mostly their problem is that they don’t have passwords to computers, banks, and other essential bits of information. Neither do they know where necessary documents are or who they are supposed to contact. I have come across widows having to locate and then repatriate overseas funds, wind up companies that have been left without succession, and search for passwords to key online resources. Amazingly, many spouses, particularly wives, live in almost total ignorance of the family finances and their husband’s business dealings. Of course, although for my generation it is mainly the men who are responsible for the things I address in this article, nowadays it could apply to either husbands or wives. I view this negligence as selfish and unloving, but Christians are not usually either of these. The deceased husbands I knew that had failed to deal with the consequences of their own demise were good men, involved in church and Christian ministry and they loved their wives. So why then were they, and many others, remiss in dealing with death?

Fear of Death

Only the mentally disturbed or cultishly brain-washed believe that they will continue to live on earth forever. For 99.9% of Christians, mortal death is a biblical and medically provable certainty although, hopefully, they believe with equal conviction that they will live on eternally with Christ Jesus in the heavenly realm. So, denial of the fact of death can’t be the answer to the problem. Perhaps the answer is thanatophobia. Say what?! Yup… it’s a word I have recently acquired and it means ‘fear of death’. This ‘death anxiety’ includes a fear of the death process and I can understand this, especially if the prognosis is of a painful and protracted demise. Woody Allen is quoted as saying: “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” However, I don’t think that the kind of people I have in mind suffer from this kind of thanatophobia.

Denial

Some Christians lack assurance of their salvation. They know that they have sinful aspects of their lives and they are not convinced that they will get an entrance ticket from Saint Peter when they arrive at the pearly gates.
Others simply cannot conceive of any form of life that does not consist of material substance.
Yet others have grown up in a culture or family that treats death as a taboo.

Whatever the cause, an unfortunate response by many is denial – a conscious or subliminal refusal to face up to the reality of death. This is deeply unfortunate because it both robs the sufferer of the joy of an assured eternal future and it impoverishes those left behind to live with the consequences.

Living For Two Things

My view is that we all, as believers, live for two things – Eternity and Legacy.

The scriptural text that sets this out most succinctly is Philippians 1:20-26, which reads as follows:

(20) ‘I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. (21) For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. (22) If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! (23) I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; (24) but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. (25) Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, (26) so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me’.

Living for Eternity

Living for eternity includes living now for the glory of God.

Eternity starts the moment we are born again of the Spirit into union with Christ Jesus.

Paul’s wish was that Christ would be exalted in his body, whether by life or by death. In other words, he wanted to glorify God both by living and by dying in Christ. We live in an eternity that starts here on Earth and continues in heaven. The Lord Jesus put it this way: “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)

Continued existence in the presence of God should not be doubted by Christians. Right in the middle of the book of Revelation, Revelation 14:13, we find these words; ‘Then I heard a voice from heaven say, “Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.” “Yes,” says the Spirit, “they will rest from their labour, for their deeds will follow them.”Jesus, John, and Paul made it clear that continued existence in heaven is not conditional for those who have been born again of the Spirit.

What we do on Earth from spiritual re-birth onward factors into our eternal activity, utility, and reward, but does not constitute a pass or fail criterion.

Even the convicted criminal dying on the cross next to Jesus heard the assurance that he would be with the Lord in Paradise because he had acknowledged the Lordship of Jesus (Luke 23:430).

However, even though our eternal destiny is certain and secure, we are still required to live for a legacy.

Living for a Legacy

In the passage I quoted from Phillippians, Paul acknowledges that although it was in his best interests to die and be with Jesus, he realised that the disciples best interests would be served if he continued ministering to them. He needed to complete his legacy to the believers of his day and to those who would follow. Amongst other things, he needed to complete writing what would later become the bulk of the New Testament! The bible itself is a glorious legacy inspired by God but recorded by many faithful disciples – ‘These are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name’ (John 20:31).

Most Christian ministries are genuine legacies that need to be preserved and stewarded into the future, and this requires faithful succession planning. Recently a long-term friend of mine died leaving behind an important ministry that will probably die with him. We talked about this eventuality several times over the last few years yet still he did not provide satisfactory succession. He was neither stupid nor uncaring; he was, I think, just not prepared to deal with his own inevitable death.

Family is a legacy – spouses, children and grandchildren. Local churches are legacies. Wise knowledge is a legacy. Art, music, and literature can be worthwhile legacies. Whatever we have and whatever we do can be either a legacy or a liability to family, society, and the Kingdom of God. Perhaps the greatest legacy of all consists of those we have introduced to Jesus and helped to know him better and become more like him. All of us can leave this legacy and surely we would choose legacy over liability?

Both-and, not Either/or

However, living for eternity and living for a legacy should not be either/or choices. As we live for eternity we leave a legacy, and the legacy is good, beneficial and God-glorifying if we live for eternity. As Paul put it, ‘For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain’.

The Benefit of Dealing with Death

Apart from the obvious benefits of us dealing with the reality of our own death for those who are left behind, there are two major immediate benefits.

Firstly, Jesus told parables about the need to be prepared at any time to meet him in eternity (Matthew 25:13, Luke 12:40 and so on). Paul also taught on this subject in places such as 1 Thessalonians Chapter 5. For the early disciples, there was little difference between the end of the world and personal death, for both meant the termination of life on earth.

So surely, it is a great relief to know that you are ready to meet Jesus face to face at any time?

The second major benefit of dealing with death is the peace of mind it brings to both you and your loved ones. It is a real act of love to set everything in order and to ensure, as best you can, that your family will be able to survive you with as little emotional pain and problem as possible.

I want to turn lastly to some practical aspects of dealing with death through responsible preparation.

Responsible Preparation

Perhaps the best way I can serve you here is to pose a series of questions.

Have you compiled and kept updated a list of all the passwords that those surviving you would need to access computers, cell-phones, social media, bank and other financial accounts and the like?
Have you drawn up a will and placed it in secure hands?
Have you set out directions for who and how to contact key people such as undertakers, pastors, financial consultants, banks, and the like – names and contact details?
Have you collected all important documents such as wills, title deeds, insurance policies, licences etc. into one secure place and made this known to your spouse, children, or trusted friend or agent?
Have you documented the procedure for continuing or winding up any companies or ministries you control?
Have you provided leadership and administrative succession for any enterprises, projects, or ministries that you believe should be preserved?
Have you provided capital and access to funds for the period it takes your estate to be wound up?

These are just some of the practical things we should all attend to, now while we can, for we do not know when we will die; we just know that we will. I hope that this is useful to you. I haven’t raised other important matters such as pet care, last wishes, and unfinished emotional issues… but I am sure that you will consider these. So deal with what you can, make it as easy as possible for those who succeed you, and be at peace.

Many texts have a bearing on the things discussed in this article, but here are just some that I have not mentioned so far:

Several useful websites offer practical suggestions and working documents, and here is one of them: https://docuri.com/download/death-and-dying-workbook_59bf38aaf581716e46c36654_pdf

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TruthTalks: Dealing With Loss

Leave a Comment / Admin Posts, Blog, Home Bulletin, Podcast, TruthTalks / TITW Admin

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In this TruthTalks podcast, Dr Christopher Peppler talks about the current climate and the amount of loss people are experiencing. From major losses of loved ones and income, to loss of being able to touch, and meet and see people.

How do you deal with loss? How does anyone?

In this TruthTalks broadcast, which is based on the post “Dealing With Loss” we hear about what Peter had to say regarding this. His wisdom is also put into context and applied to our lives now. I hope you get some hope back from listening to this inspiring message. Please share it with those who need to hear it.

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Dealing with Loss

Leave a Comment / Blog, Home Bulletin, My Blog, Uncategorized / Christopher Peppler

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As we here in South Africa pass the day 140 mark in our national pandemic lockdown we need to come to grips with dealing with loss. Although many of the more irksome regulations have now been lifted, we still live under the looming threat that they may all immediately return. The picture above is of my Granadella plant. It started well, spread across the trellis and was about to bear fruit. Then came winter, yet it still seemed to be surviving. But a Black Frost hit, and look at it now! I think that many of us are feeling like my Granadella plant or fear that we soon may.

Jailhouse Blues

Our often irrational regulations and prohibitions have resulted in substantial losses for almost everyone in our nation.

The tragic loss of life for some, loss of income for many, and for almost everyone, the loss of things that bring us joy. A sense of loss is a part of grieving and has profound effects on our mental and even physical health. Conventional psychological wisdom says that we should express our grief, come to terms with it, and then accept that it will eventually pass. However, this does little to persuade the suicidal person from taking his own life, or the addictive personality from overdosing on ‘happy pills’, or the melancholic from succumbing to deep depression. So I am unconvinced that this advice is of enough practical use in dealing with multiple and sustained losses in our lives. Let me give a few examples of the kinds of loss that people (that’s us folks) have been dealing with. After that, I want to propose the best solution I know.

Loss Upon Loss

Some losses, like when a life partner dies, are certainly more profound than others, but when lesser losses come in quick succession, then the accumulative effect can also be severe. Even the pain of losing a loved one has been magnified in these days as the family members are prevented from being with them in their last days.

Loss of Touch

For many people, particularly elderly folks, the loss of touch is painful. We can’t hug our grandchildren or hold their hands as they cross the street. For those living alone, they can’t even reach out and touch a partner. A friend of mine was telling me the other day that as the pastor of two small churches he needs and wants to visit with his congregants, even if via Zoom. One old lady member is blind and poor of hearing and so he would visit her regularly in her home. Now, with social distancing and face-mask regulations, the best he could do was to stand outside her garden gate to talk with her. Her habit was always to greet him by reaching out to touch his face but now she could not. This was devastating for the old dear and she burst into a flood of tears.

Loss of Social Contact

I used to get much joy from regularly meeting with my long-term male friends. We would have breakfast together almost every week to share, joke, and enjoy each other’s company. I would also meet with a friend of thirty years for lunch once a month and we would spend up to five hours talking theology and solving the problems of the world (or so we thought). This is all gone now and may never return to what it was.

Loss of Resources

I am retired, and although interest rates have dropped dramatically, my wife and I are still blessed to be living well. However, many are not. Many have lost their jobs, their businesses, their investments, and their sources of income. This is a devastating loss and it is often accompanied by a loss of identity and purpose – who am I and what am I doing on this planet?

Millions, yes millions, of people in our nation, do not have enough to eat and no legal way of acquiring what they need – and they are desperate!

Loss of Trust

I and I suspect most of us, have lost trust in politicians and the media – not that we had that much trust in them to begin with. But I don’t want to make light of it because this is a big loss. We don’t know what information we can take seriously, let alone trust and act on. The men and women who are supposed to wisely and faithfully serve us, and who we reward handsomely with our income tax, betray our trust daily. They steal billions from us, make irrational and highly suspicious laws, and act, for the most part, with breathtaking incompetence.

Freedom for all has been replaced by freedom for only an elite few and loss of freedom for most.

So then, what do we do about this? Curl up into a fetal position and blubber? Lash out in violent protest? Immigrate if we still can? Perhaps not the best or even acceptable ways of dealing with loss… but there is a better way.

Peter’s Inspired Insight

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade — kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith — of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire — may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls”. (1 Peter 1:3-9)

There is material in these seven verses for several articles or sermons, but I want to make just one point. In and through Jesus Christ we have both a present hope and a future inheritance. This is a source of great joy even though our current conditions are dire. We cannot see Jesus now but we believe him and although he is not physically present with us, we love him. This is the essence and the purpose of our salvation, which is to know Jesus.

We may not be able to spend time with loved ones, friends, or Christian brothers and sisters, but we can spend time with Jesus. We may have lost health, income, or trust but we can build a healthy, rich and trusting relationship with him. Paul wrote: ‘I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.’ (Philippians 3:8)

How to Know Jesus

Just how do we come to know Jesus better? Firstly, we must be born again of his Spirit for how can we know someone who is spiritually discerned (Jesus Christ) if we are spiritually incapacitated? However, we then need to build our relationship with him and the most obvious way to do this is to spend time with him.

The full nature, character, and glory of God is embodied in the Lord Jesus Christ. He, the second personage of the Triune Godhead, came and lived among us as one of us. It is Jesus who said that if we have seen him then we have seen the Father (John 14:9). But how do we ‘see’ him now, in our time and circumstances? Well, one of the best ways is through a Spirit-led reading of the Gospels.

Gospel Encounters

All of the bible is in-breathed of God (2 Timothy 3:16) and important, but the fullest revelation of the Lord Jesus is in the four Gospels. However, we often miss out on getting to know him through the Gospels when we study them simply to acquire information.

Rather, we need to read the narratives meditatively and under the oversight and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

As you do this, try to see, hear, smell and even touch what is described. When Jesus cooks fish on an open fire for his disciples (John 21:7-14) then smell it, hear it crackle, and taste it. Put yourself into the scene. For a few brief moments, be Peter, or John, or Mary and hear what the Lord is saying, for perhaps he is also speaking to you.

Read slowly and meditatively, praying as you do and asking the Holy Spirit to help you relate to what the scripture is revealing.

Think about how the text helps you understand more of the Lord’s character and nature. As the song goes, ‘Open our eyes, Lord, we want to see Jesus; to reach out and touch him, and say that we love him.’

Counteract Loss Through Gain

Perhaps the pandemic wave will peak and then pass and things will go back to normal again. However, for those who have lost loved ones or jobs or businesses things will not be the same as before. But, no matter the extent of our loss, we can all gain so much by focusing on strengthening our relationship with Jesus. Paul understood and applied this truth although he, like us, had never seen Jesus in the flesh. And let me repeat what he wrote to the Philippian church: ‘I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.’

Paul’s Prayer and Blessing

Let me end this article with Paul’s prayer and blessing:

“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”. (Ephesians 1:17 and Romans 15:13)

Dealing with Loss Read More »

dealing with loss

Dealing With Death

Fear of Death

Denial

Living For Two Things

Living for Eternity

Living for a Legacy

Both-and, not Either/or

The Benefit of Dealing with Death

Responsible Preparation

TruthTalks: Dealing With Loss

Dealing with Loss

Jailhouse Blues

Loss Upon Loss

Loss of Touch

Loss of Social Contact

Loss of Resources

Loss of Trust

Peter’s Inspired Insight

How to Know Jesus

Gospel Encounters

Counteract Loss Through Gain

Paul’s Prayer and Blessing

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