For most, if not all men their jobs need them but they also need their jobs, not just for financial benefit but for a sense of worth. When two men meet for the first time what is one of the first questions they ask? “What do you do for a living?” We need to know this so we can place some sort of value on the person we are meeting – is he going to be a useful contact? Is he important? Is it going to be interesting to talk to him? A little sad this, but true nevertheless.
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We generally see our occupations, and more particularly our work titles, as ascribing value to us. Now, when two church pastors meet for the first time, say at a ministers fraternal, the question is a little different. Instead of “what do you do for a living?” the question most frequently asked is “How big is your church?” What a strange question, if you think about it a little: whose church is it anyway, and why does ‘big’ equate to greater value?
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For pastors, our occupation not only provides a sense of personal worth but also of identity. We get so immersed in the life of the local church that its life overlaps with our personal, and even family life. We, as individuals, get blended with and subsumed by the church we serve. So, when pastors retire they have to deal not only with a sense of diminished worth, but with loss of identity. “Who am I? If I am no longer a pastor, then who the hang am I?”
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I have found, to my surprise that the problems associated with retirement are more matters of the heart than of the head. I planned my retirement from the local church payroll two years ago and then attempted to prepare myself, my wife, and the congregations for this ‘event’. All went well until it registered on me that I only had a few months left in full time pastoral employment. At this point my heart decided to rebel against my head. My head said, “It is all right and good and you are being very sensible about everything”, but my heart retorted, “Yes but I feel sad and … unvalued… and I don’t think I know who I am anymore.” Now if you are under 50 years old you are probably shaking your head slightly from side to side; but if you are over 65 the likelihood is that you are shaking your head up and down – right?
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Little things become, well, not so little. You have to throw away your calling cards and rubber stamps, change your Facebook profile, email signature, details on the church bulletin and website, and so on. All of these little actions bring back the question of identity. Of course, for a Christian this is all very silly – we know that our identity is in Christ Jesus, and that our worth lies in His appreciation for us … but the dilly heart just doesn’t quite get this.
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Now, people are asking me a different question; “What are you going to do now that you are retiring?” I wonder what sort of answer they expect. “Well, I plan to sit on my couch in my vest and underpants watching TV for endless hours.” My wife dearly hopes that I will take up landscape painting, bridge, and gardening, but in reality a retiring church minister has no end of things he can do – my list includes some 16 writing projects, playing guitar in a worship group, itinerant preaching, and so on. The problem is not what to do but who will do it, and will he feel like doing it? “Who are you and what have you done with Christopher?”
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This post might seem a little ‘blue’ but next week I will write about some spiritual insights I have received concerning the retirement process. If you find these ruminations interesting then please comment so I know – otherwise I will leave this topic now and move on to something else.